An interesting thread Socrates.
In answer to your question: certainly not.
I think, in fact, that most of the male members on the board, have served as an elder.
It is as an elder, that you really see what goes on behind the scenes, what is said, how they react, ect. Even though the R&F can guess, as an eleder you actually SEE it. And for a good number, they are disgusted, and disappointed.
Yours is a difficult situation I have seen it before. You know, of course , that you will not succeed in changing them. Even the much awaited CO "he will sort it out!" can do very little.
I wish you lots of strength in the meantime. On the board you can vent freely at least. You will find some who disagree with you, but many who understand from personal experience.
Good luck with your family.
jlp